


hey moon, please forget to fall down

by sanjoongy, xxmoony



Series: (no such thing as) beautiful goodbyes [2]
Category: ATEEZ (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Art Student Kim Hongjoong, M/M, Pining, and yunho, hongjoong is oblivious, hongjoong loves the moon, san and yunho are bffs, woosan crumbs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:53:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23687977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanjoongy/pseuds/sanjoongy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxmoony/pseuds/xxmoony
Summary: in which hongjoong loves the moon... and yunho
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Jeong Yunho/Kim Hongjoong
Series: (no such thing as) beautiful goodbyes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705789
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is the backstory of my hohong in watch it all (fall down) so if you want to understand what goes on with woosan read that first, but it's just some cute hohong really sdhshshj

Hongjoong likes to believe that he is _not_ as oblivious as people always makes him to be, but it _is_ true that it took him like two years to acknowledge the Love of His Life™. He has no regrets except that one, he thinks. On the run long, though, it did save him from temporary heart breaks and painful pining. It wasn’t like he hasn’t been through any of it, that would be a lie. But no pain, no gain at the end of the day, right? Hongjoong hates that expression.

He first met Yunho -well, more like he caught a glimpse of him- on a moony night. He always had a tendency to follow moon’s cycles and looking at full moons gave him so much joy that he sometimes suspected that if there was some magic involved. He never said it out loud though, because he already had a reputation of being _that weird guy from art department that never sleeps, mostly paints the moon and always has paint on him somewhere, somehow._

He kind of likes that reputation, even now.

Although that uptight kid, Choi San, told him that he should draw less moons and more- well basically anything other than moons, Hongjoong would be pretty sure he had a lot of variety in his portfolio. His counselor thought, on the other hand, that he was just going through a ‘moon phase’.

That night, he was once more leaving the department at an abnormal hour- but hey, that’s art students for you. Sleepless nights and paint all over the newest of clothes.

That night, he was making his way through the campus to his dorm. He really doesn’t remember what, but he swears that _something_ made him suddenly stop and look at the sky, like he was almost called by the moon shining in the night sky. A content feeling spread all over his body at the sight and while he continued to look at the sky he didn’t really pay attention to his steps.

Which resulted him in tripping on his own feet.

Which resulted in him almost falling while squeaking a little, although in the end he managed not to fall over his ass, it was definitely not a proud moment for him, no sir.

And it would’ve been okay, really, but he heard a giggle the moment he safely put his feet on the ground, turned around slowly to find the owner of the voice, and _boy_ was he struck.

He _also_ has a tendency to stop functioning while being in front of hot people and that blue-haired-tall-guy-that-he-could-never-ever-get was _in fact_ hot. And he kind of resembled something warm, like, like a puppy and Hongjoong wanted to shoot himself for ever thinking such a sappy thing.

Just as that blue-haired-tall-guy-that-he-could-never-ever-get opened his mouth to maybe say something like, _wow you made a complete fool of yourself but congrats for not falling,_ Hongjoong did the only sensible thing. He started walk in the other direction, towards the dorms, real fast, like his feet did not touch the ground. He was absolutely _not_ running though. He was not a coward like that.

And that was actually it for a while. He never saw the guy, and even if he did, probably did not notice.

The next time he saw him was two years later.

He just agreed to be Choi San’s partner for their term project and couldn’t be happier, to say the least, San was kind of the whole department’s favorite and working with him would definitely get Hongjoong some sort of benefit. Not that he wanted use him, he overall liked the guy. It was just that for the longest of times he thought San did not like him so when he offered to be partners, Hongjoong was taken aback. He also offered that they could use _his_ atelier together. Which was a plus. They gave him a freaking _atelier,_ like, it couldn’t get more privileged than that.

They were talking about some details of the assignment, as in when and how they should start till someone abruptly interrupted their planning. Normally Hongjoong knew that San would get irritated, he saw the boy before while working and he didn’t take distractions very well. But this time he was smiling and Hongjoong couldn’t really blame him.

Later he would recall the time he actually first laid his eyes on him, but at the time as San introduced him to Hongjoong, as _Yunho, my best friend,_ it really was a pleasure to meet him. Much to his luck, Yunho already had a boyfriend. _We started recently,_ he added with a smile that almost pulled the corners of Hongjoong’s lips upwards too, but in reality, he was disappointed. Not surprised though. It would be crime that perfect people like him did not get the love and attention they deserved.

He also realized, much later, that smiling was a side effect for him while being around Yunho.

It wasn’t long until Hongjoong actually got on hyung basis with him. It wasn’t particularly hard either, except that Yunho was actually dealing with a heart break that hurt Hongjoong’s own because seeing him like that was nerve wracking. But he didn’t give up, he couldn’t give up. How would he? He would offer him all the vanilla yogurt in the world if it’d make Yunho smile a smile that brings the stars to his eyes.

“Wow, that’s… Something.” Hongjoong slowly turns his eyes to Yunho, who’s obviously steaming in the ears, which was replaced with something else in a second, something Hongjoong could assume as guilt, maybe. He doesn’t say anything though, as he puts the little plastic spoonful of vanilla yoghurt into his mouth and watches as Yunho devours his meal until he starts complaining once more.

“You know that I’m right, right, hyung? Like, you know San enough to see what he’s been going through… I just wish San could see it too.” He says while dropping his chopstick rather harshly, like he can’t take it anymore, and looks at Hongjoong with such anticipation that Hongjoong feels like he has to agree to anything that comes out of Yunho’s mouth.

“Yeah, I mean, maybe you are right. But maybe…” He stops to reconsider and rearrange whatever he is trying to say. “Maybe you shouldn’t have used those words. You know, r _eason for everything bad in your life_ and _toxic behavior_ and such _…_ ”

“I know that…” Yunho says with a smallest voice. “But hyung, I swear this is not the first time. Like I know that he doesn’t purposely hit him or something like that, but he hurts him. He keeps hurting him and it’s becoming too much…” *His voice is etched in concern, and Hongjoong cannot help but think how cute he looks with worry for his friend all over his face, and maybe it is not the time to fall in love with Jeong Yunho’s stupid cuteness, but sue him.

“I don’t really know Wooyoung like you do, and San too in that matter. But it seems to me that they- they love each other so much and if you, or anyone, act hostile towards their relationship, it might not work.” It wasn’t like hard to observe how engrossed both San and Wooyoung were with each other, but Hongjoong felt like the boy needed to hear that before he pushed too hard.

“I don’t know what to do though, from the start I’ve been telling San that he’s bad news. I always told him and he never listened.”

“Maybe they just need time to figure things out, you know, they looked pretty upset about it. Or maybe it’s just because of you lashed out at them- not that it makes it any better.”

Yunho sighs and purses his small lips cutely and Hongjoong almost loses the last of his control over his limbs along with his sense as he jumps all over him, but somehow manages until his pursed lips loosen into a smug, amused smirk.

“San was actually partly mad at you hyung, for telling me. Don’t be surprised if he acts cold later.”

“What did _I_ do??” Hongjoong yells in outrage that only lasts a quarter of a second because Yunho is smiling and he is not capable of being mad at a smiley Yunho, so he hides his smile with a failed pout. “I was just being a good hyung…”

“Yeah you’re good enough, I guess, to me at least.” Yunho nudges his shoulder and Hongjoong pretends that he’s not trying to take this as a love confession and convinces himself that he’s just being hyung-zoned.

“Do you have any classes later?” He tries and tries to sound less excited than he was and almost fails as he keeps biting his lips.

“Nah.” Yunho says but reconsiders immediately. “I mean, I have this elective thing normally, but I never go to that one so… Guess I’m free. Why?”

Hongjoong wonders if Yunho knew why, but answers anyway.

“I was just thinking that… we could hang out or something, and I could continue being a good hyung by getting us coffee.” _Smooth,_ he thinks sarcastically while internally smacking himself in the guts, but his struggle makes Yunho all smiley once more, so he considers it okay.

“If by coffee you mean cheesecake, I’m sold.”

And, again, Hongjoong could buy all the cheesecake for him too. Well, as long as he can afford it, maybe bit by bit, slowly and he assumes Yunho would be content by getting a piece or two for now.

He never thought when he came to have lunch less than an hour ago that, one, he would ruin Wooyoung and San’s lunch, and two, get himself a date with _the_ Yunho, before even the break ended.

He’s still not sure as they leave the cafeteria with giggles and stupid jokes with their bags hanged over their shoulders, if Yunho would agree that it is a date, but it feels good. It feels okay. For now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again folks, this is the backstory of [watch it all (fall down)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22928650) hohong so if you're curious about it you're welcome, if you're confused about what's happening, reading it will fill in a lot of lines so go give it a read~

Yunho _knew_ something was wrong immediately after he landed.

For starters, his phone didn’t blow up with messages when he turned it on. There was only one short message from Hongjoong, telling he was coming to get him from the airport, to his surprise. Yunho didn’t really question the act, because he knew they had been drinking the night before, so San was probably too hangover to come and get him, or he was busy taking care of Wooyoung, who was such a light weight but drank like it was end of the world.

He also missed a call from his mother, who most likely thought he had already landed when she called. She was bad at that stuff, remembering intricate details about her own son, so he decided he can call her later, as of right now he just wanted to get out of the plane.

Nevertheless, he could scold San later for ditching him later, for now he was actually pretty excited he got to see Hongjoong earlier than he anticipated. Deep down the uneasiness lingered, _and_ he didn’t even know why, though maybe it was because he still had to collect his luggage and it was always a stressful task ever since he lost one of his bags in airport and had to do ton of paperwork once.

In the end he actually collected all three of his luggage successfully and was giddily walking towards the exit when he finally saw Hongjoong’s now a little bit faded red hair. He absolutely could not wait to wrap his arms around him, or maybe kiss him, because it had been so long and he _did_ tell him that he still needed time, but over the last 3 months he had been away, he kind of made up his mind about Hongjoong and where he wanted to go with their relationship, if Hongjoong still were to want it too, of course. Yunho hoped he would.

And he could not help but smile like an idiot when Hongjoong noticed him, almost dropped everything to run and hold him but instead held himself. They needed to talk about it first, obviously, Yunho felt obligated to do at least that, he was the one rejecting in the first place, and he thought he didn’t get to be the one to start something now, just because he made up his mind.

His smile only got bigger when he got closer. He wanted to say the same thing about Hongjoong, but he was wearing big sunglasses that covered almost all of his face, and his lips had a frown to them and somehow he gave of the vibe that he was too anxious, Yunho couldn’t really tell why.

“Hyung, hi-” He started, unsure what to say anything else, his smile slowly disappeared. 

Hongjoong smiled forcibly, and Yunho could see how hard he tried to that, so he chose to not say something about it.

“Hi, Yunho-yah,” he said just as forced and leaned in for a hug, more like up because Yunho was _tall_ , “Missed you,” he muttered as Yunho hugged him tightly. He couldn’t let go for a second and Yunho was actually okay with it.

He thought he heard Hongjoong sniff at some point before letting him go and was about to ask, since it was too gloomy for his liking, but Hongjoong beat him to it.

“Let’s get you to the car,” he said while grabbing one of the bags. His actions were too stiff, and even though Yunho wanted to push it he couldn’t, as he grabbed the remaining luggage and followed him.

He almost forgot about the gloominess towering them when he saw his car. He liked the car maybe a bit too much, even though he was never the one that was so interested in cars and stuff. But it was his parents’ 18th birthday gift, and ever since he was using and taking care of it like it was his baby.

And even though he was perfectly capable of driving and it was his own car, he let Hongjoong sit in the driver’s seat, since the whole point of someone picking him up from airport was for him to not drive. He was on a flight for god knows how many hours, he deserved it.

However, the weird tension still lingered in the car and Yunho hated every second of it, but at the same time he didn’t want to find out the reason and possibly ruin the moment.

But when Hongjoong finally took off his huge sunglasses and Yunho could see everything, realized something was horribly wrong.

The way Hongjoong looked so drained, how his eyes were swollen, how his nose was a little bit red, how he couldn’t even look him in the eye, how his hands were trembling as he tried to start to car, as if he shouldn’t even be driving that Yunho wondered how he managed to drive to the airport in the first place. He looked like he was awake on pure caffeine, which Yunho didn’t like at all and would tell him on about several occasions, but he couldn’t stop him from Australia.

After what felt like an eternity, Hongjoong finally stopped trying to put the keys where they belonged and looked at Yunho, but couldn’t say a thing.

“Hyung, is everything okay?”

Maybe it was the way he asked so caring and warm, or maybe Hongjoong was just looking for excuses to do, so but he started to sob immediately. Yunho didn’t know what to do as he had never seen his hyung like that, but also did not want to ask further questions, he was scared of the answer.

“Yunho-yah… I am so- so sorry-" Hongjoong kept blabbering apologies, hysterically like he couldn’t stop. First Yunho thought that maybe he was too overwhelmed by seeing Yunho after all this time of only messaging and face timing and he didn’t really imagine their first encounter like that. But then he heard him mumble something along the lines of _accident_ and _San_ when he was busy giving him paper tissue and searching for his bottle of water.

 _He is in the hospital_ , Hongjoong was saying, that they were putting him in ICU when he left to pick Yunho up from airport, and that it was a hit and run and only Wooyoung was there to witness it and he was sedated and lying in another room and—

He couldn’t hear or breath anymore as Hongjoong continued. He couldn’t even believe the things he said as he pulled out his phone to do something very stupid, but necessary.

He dialed San’s number, and waited for it till it went voicemail and heard San’s very short ‘It’s San, if I’m not answering please don’t bother to leave a message after the beep’, because he was a little shit and no one really used voicemail nowadays anyways.

But instead of leaving the message like he would normally do despite San’s annoying voice telling him not to when it went beep, Yunho dropped his phone to look at Hongjoong, who now finally stopped crying, was sniffing occasionally and watching him with careful eyes.

“He’s in the hospital,” he repeated, almost like a question.

“Yeah… I’m so sorry-”

“Stop saying that!” Yunho snapped, “You’re talking like he died… Just- can we- can you drop me off to the hospital?”

Hongjoong wanted to say something like maybe he needed to go home first to drop his stuff or change but didn’t, as he drove off to the hospital.

No one spoke during the whole ride, and when they arrived Yunho couldn’t even wait for him to park as he literally jumped out of the car, only to wait for him in the end because he actually had no clue where to go.

It wasn’t a pleasant sight and considering the circumstances, no one would actually expect it to be pleasant.

San’s parents, and weirdly enough their assistant, were there along with Yunho’s mom. Hongjoong didn’t really think he would meet his parents before they started anything, and he actually offered to pick up Yunho since everyone was too stressed and they were planning on sending one of their drivers, which he did not regret but he did think it was early. Not that it mattered considering the situation.

Yes, both San and Yunho’s parents were loaded and did business together occasionally, Hongjoong got a clue of Yunho’s parents’ income when he paid a visit to his apartment before but holy hell, his father couldn’t even be there like his mother was because of a business trip to god knows where, but Hongjoong didn’t want Yunho to ride with one his parents’ men after such a long time away.

As soon as they arrived the floor where San was, Yunho immediately went to his mother, leaving Hongjoong behind as he hugged her, and they quickly fell into their own world.

Hongjoong decided he would give all of them some space and watch Yunho from afar. He could see that the boy was crying while they were talking about what happened and holding each other’s hands, how it happened, later San’s mother joined the scene too as she also hugged Yunho and everyone was basically all a crying mess, like Hongjoong when he was at the airport.

He really didn’t want to cry in front of Yunho, especially while giving him the news, but he looked so fucking happy to see Hongjoong at first, like he could tell that the boy was excited and Hongjoong knew that he had to ruin his mood, maybe forever. That’s why he broke down when Yunho asked him if everything was okay, because it wasn’t.

The night before went almost in a blur.

Before he could sober up completely, he was already paying their shared tab hurriedly and leaving to hospital with Wooyoung who was _hysterical_. Yeosang had to stay behind since he was actually the one who found the pair only a couple of minutes after the incident and had to give his statement at the police station before he could join them at the hospital. Clearly he knew how to handle Wooyoung more than Hongjoong did, but there was only so much they could do considering the situation.

By the time they gave Wooyoung some sedatives and laid him down, San was still in surgery and his parents had just arrived. Hongjoong wasn’t sure how they knew him but when San’s father addressed him by his full name, he was, to say the least, _shocked_. They thanked him -even though he wasn’t particularly of any use, it was mostly Yeosang who managed everything: calling an ambulance, literally forcing out words from a very frantic Wooyoung to tell _what the fuck happened,_ and then calling the police too, all while being absolutely cold blooded and calm unlike everyone else around- he even told Hongjoong that he could go home now, but of course he didn’t.

Only after Yeosang arrived at the hospital to be there for Wooyoung and he was left completely alone, he finally realized that Yunho had no idea what happened at all. It ate him inside all night, and when it was finally time to pick him up, he was quick to offer to do so, maybe too quick as Yunho’s mother looked at him like he was stepping so many boundaries, but it didn’t matter because he just couldn’t leave him alone just like that.

But at that moment as he watched him with his mother and San’s parents, he decided to leave them be, as he already felt like he was spying on their private moment anyways.

He found Seonghwa on the floor they put Wooyoung down, sitting outside of his room, eyes closed. He wondered why he was there, he never thought that he was Wooyoung’s friend of any kind. Seonghwa opened his eyes when Hongjoong walked close enough, gave him a broken smile.

“How’s downstairs?” Seonghwa asked as Hongjoong sat next to him.

“I brought Yunho. He didn’t take it well, obviously… San is- the same, I think. At least it seemed like nothing changed.”

“No news is better than bad news I guess.”

Hongjoong nodded, they sat in silence for a while and Hongjoong almost though Seonghwa fell asleep again. All of them would use some sleep, but apparently no one was getting what they wanted right now. They wouldn’t even think last night would end up that way later on. It was supposed to be a small gathering between the art students and their friends, just to let loose a little bit before the hell week -or midterms, as some might call it- they all had to go through.

Hongjoong startled when he heard someone close a door near him, he didn’t even realize that he dozed off, who knew for how long. He also realized that Yeosang joined them too. He and Seonghwa were talking in low voices and he could only hear _Wooyoung_ and _parents don’t care._

He yawned and stretched a little bit and gained the attention of the two.

“Oh, hyung- Sorry, did I wake you up?” Yeosang looked tired as hell even though he was probably laying down next to Wooyoung for some time. 

“It’s okay Yeosang-ie, how is Wooyoung?”

Yeosang sighed deeply. “Still asleep, but it was mostly the sedatives- he keeps moving. I don’t even know what they gave him to sleep for that long, or how much. I need to reach his psychiatrist for his medical history but-” He stopped for a second. “I mean… I should- I should check on him.” He cut his blabbering and went back inside as his ears slightly got red.

And Hongjoong wanted to tell him that, again, it was okay, and it was too nice of him that he was this interested and involved in his best friends life, and it was a shame that unlike _downstairs,_ there was not a single parent figure here to take care of things. But it was okay.

He didn’t say anything because his phone ringed the same minute with a text from Yunho, asking about his whereabouts. He was texting back when a kid who he has seen around before reached them. He was one of Wooyoung’s friends, Hongjoong assumed. He looked like he just woke up too.

“Seonghwa-ssi, Yeosang hyung said you would be there.”

“Yeah, he is inside the room. Wooyoung is sleeping,” Seonghwa informed the kid. Then he looked at both of them to realize they probably didn’t know each other. “Have you met before? This is Hongjoong, from San’s department and this is Jongho.”

They gave each other simple nods as Jongho asked about San’s situation and then Yeosang joined them again. They were having a conversation Hongjoong was not a part of because he was too busy texting Yunho and wondering if they will be okay if he leaves.

“Hyung, seriously, I could wait for him till my shift, you should go home and sleep a little so that you can be stronger when he needs you,” Jongho was saying to a Yeosang who was way ready to reject him, but was being outnumbered as Seonghwa agreed with Jongho. Hongjoong decided to side with them, considering he was having a similar situation.

“They are right you know; I will take Yunho home- if I convince him. We could give you guys a ride?”

After another ten minutes of Jongho promising he will call in the slightest inconvenience, they were ready to leave. And it was probably the only helpful thing to do since they couldn’t perform surgeries or go back in time to prevent what happened- at least that’s what Hongjoong told Yunho.

He eventually got him to his home and made sure that he slept at least for like six hours. Because they fell asleep together, on his king size bed. Hongjoong really could get used to the bed, apart from it being so big, it was also so much comfier than his bed back in the dorm.

He could only hold him for too little after their nap because as soon as Yunho woke up he took a speed shower and was ready to leave for hospital. He even dared to say that Hongjoong can stay if he wants and enjoy the apartment like his own, as if Hongjoong would leave him alone in this situation. But he liked the part where Yunho accepted him without question, and he also needed a quick shower too.

When they were back at the hospital, all of the parents that were there before also left to do god knows what and they left behind an assistant only, which Yunho didn’t like and expressed it with an eyeroll.

San was still in ICU and was still stable but barely alive, and they actually let them see him too, which was totally unnecessary because all the color on Yunho’s face drained when he saw his best friend lying almost lifeless and connected to some machines with a million tubes.

After he calmed down a bit Hongjoong suggested they can go check on Wooyoung and Yunho realized he only remembered about him just then. To Hongjoong’s surprise, there was a beautiful and awfully familiar woman next to Yeosang who was talking to a doctor when they reached the floor. Later they found out that the woman was actually Yeosang’s older sister and she was there to take care of Wooyoung’s hospital business. Hongjoong couldn’t help but wonder where Wooyoung’s parents were then, and later Yunho told him that they’ve been out of the picture for a long time now according to San, which explained a lot.

They spent the next two days between corridors and only went home for like an hour after the first time. It never looked that hopeful to Hongjoong, but of course he couldn’t admit that while Yunho was patiently -or maybe not since he was giving hell to another one of their parents’ assistants every half an hour- waiting for his best friend to show some signs of life.

On the second day, towards noon, some complications started to happen and afterwards it was just a series of unclear events.

As soon as the doctor announced him dead, San’s mother fainted, his father too broken down to even say a thing, and one of the assistants was already started to take care of stuff while Hongjoong silently cried beside a very fuming Yunho.

Ironically Wooyoung became fully functional just about half an hour later, and it didn’t matter in the end because San was already gone.

The funeral was a crowded one, at least the most crowded Hongjoong has ever been to. There were people from their department, people that knew him around the campus, his large group of relatives that seemed to act like a freaking clan or something. And it was a very neat, almost a noble funeral, if Hongjoong had to admit. They cremated him, as it seemed, put his ashes in a black and grey colored jar, there was a smiling picture of him next to a bunch of flowers sent from various addresses.

Hongjoong stood right beside Yunho through all of it.

It wasn’t easy, at first. Because Yunho was angry.

He was angry at the all possible things that would come to someone’s mind.

He was angry at himself, the doctors, that _son of a bitch_ who hit him and didn’t even stop afterwards. He was angry when someone breathed wrong beside him, when someone laughed too loud, or when someone didn’t walk fast enough… And sometimes he was mad at Hongjoong, for no real reason at all.

He yelled whatever passed through his mind, didn’t even think about the outcome, never thought that Hongjoong would leave him if he continued, maybe he knew that he would never leave him anyways.

But the worst one was yet to come.

After the funeral, Hongjoong cautiously avoided talking about _that day_ or anything related to San in general. It did not help the situation that he was currently using San’s atelier, _his old atelier,_ while working on his midterms and Yunho had to pick him up from there sometimes, but it was kind of like an habit for them, he knew the way to there like the back of his hand. Even if Hongjoong wouldn’t tell him to meet up there, he’d probably still be there anyways.

It was a particularly good day. After two days of heavy rains, the sun decided to show up behind clouds and people immediately spread around the campus like their life depended on it. There was not a single free spot outside, people were overflowing from the cafes to the simple grass that covered the campus, under big trees that provided just as big shadows…

Two of them were also abusing the nice weather even though it would probably be like that from now on for a while. But it could be considered as a rare day because Yunho actually smiled like three times already and it was all because of Hongjoong, which he was very proud about.

So, amidst the haze of proudness, he didn’t exactly realize what he was blabbering about till it got so quiet that it almost startled him. He didn’t realize that he was talking about _that day,_ he didn’t realize the he had basically told Yunho his last memory of San and how it was when he was arguing about something with Wooyoung.

Unfortunately, it was coincidentally too easy for Yunho to spot Wooyoung who was sitting under a tree with Yeosang, who couldn’t even attend the funeral because his situation was _that_ bad and it was a miracle to see him around the campus again.

And if Hongjoong felt sorry about him before, it only doubled when Yunho was done with him. Because he cold bloodedly accused him of murdering San, which resulted in the boy having his possibly worst breakdown in front of the whole campus, gaining the attention of people the most nearby and it was such a mess, to say the least. Yeosang would’ve probably killed him right then and there if it weren’t for Wooyoung who was lying unconscious after passing out screaming.

Hongjoong literally dragged Yunho from the scene afterwards, as Yeosang struggled to take care of Wooyoung, like he always did, and they were both shaking, but the only angry one was Hongjoong this time, because-

“How could you act so reckless?! You _knew_ he wasn’t in a good condition, how is it okay to take your anger out of _him?_ I can put up with _that_ to an extent, but this was just out of the line Yunho! I get it, you are sad, you have every right to be- but that doesn’t give you the right to just lash out on anyone-”

“He is not _anyone._ Hyung, you know! You know how bad it was with them. Don’t you think this is a possibility?”

Hongjoong looked and looked at him, tried to find the adoring boy he liked—loved so much, but at that moment he was just an angry little boy that got everything he wanted and never have been told no, never got taken anything away from him, so when it actually happened he acted the only way he knew, which was exploding on anyone recklessly and it was just the oddest thing Hongjoong saw coming from him.

“No, I don’t,” he said rather harshly, “You were just looking for a scapegoat and you found one- hell, you offered him to whole campus of people! What do you think will happen now? Do you feel better, now that you found the person to blame? The person who is responsible for this is already behind bars, you know.”

Yunho didn’t really expecting any of the backlash because Hongjoong was so caring and supportive all this time, and while he lectured Yunho, an annoying feeling of a guilt already started to take over him. But the damage was done. And he was too stubborn to admit he was at fault.

“I didn’t think you would understand anyways,” he talked back in a childish manner that made Hongjoong scoff.

“Oh, I understand you just fine, don’t worry. But you are yet to understand _me._ Come find me when you are ready for this talk and a proper apology-” He tried to take his leave but Yunho held his arm, gently but enough to startle him.

“Hyung- come on, don’t be like this…”

Hongjoong freed his arm, already fed up with him, but at the same time couldn’t stand the way he looked so hurt- like a kicked puppy, like a puppy that Hongjoong himself kicked. But he couldn’t back down now, not after he saw what he did to Wooyoung out of pure spite.

“ _You_ don’t be like this, _please_ , I already said what I said. Just think about it a little and then we’ll talk, okay?”

Then he left him alone, but it was not like he had to clean up the mess behind, unlike a certain Yeosang who had to take his half unconscious and trembling mess of a friend to the hospital.

Hongjoong never got tired of his art, never had nervous breakdowns about it. He almost embraced the _starving artist_ title because that was all he got, at least until he got his big break or whatever. But at that moment, as in 1 in the morning because it was still their midterms week and everyone mostly stayed at the department till they finished or called it quits, the atelier he was in which once belonged to San was too suffocating- because he had a lot in his mind. And he knew that, he couldn’t do shit till he cleared his mind, which would normally be by listening to a random playlist of his, but unfortunately he couldn’t do even that because his phone had died couple of hours ago and his charger was nowhere to be seen.

The only thing left to do was to leave and come back after a goodnights sleep, with a fresh state of mind. It also wasn’t helping that currently it was a new moon and he couldn’t get to see the only thing he valued the most- well, maybe after Yunho.

The one who was the biggest reason that kept his mind going all worked up, so much that he couldn’t even hold a single brush without getting on the verge of a stupid breakdown.

He couldn’t believe that he gave Yunho a freaking ultimatum, like, would it even work? Would Yunho even think about what he was trying to say, or would he just decide that he wanted nothing to do with Hongjoong anymore—just because he gave him a reality check. What if he was acting all angry just to get rid of him and it actually worked?

But no, deep down Hongjoong knew all of his worries were just mere worries. Even though they hadn’t had the _talk_ yet, Hongjoong knew that they indeed were on the same page about certain things, he just wasn’t sure how his actions would affect their relationship.

The other thing that bothered him was the fact that he never checked up on Yeosang and Wooyoung later in the day. Maybe he should’ve helped them, he didn’t know. He wasn’t the type to think things through over and over but apparently that night he was, so he decided to leave his midterm work halfway done and get some sleep if possible- probably not but he was going to try.

The walk from department to dorm was a short one, and he was at the dorm sooner than he anticipated. What he didn’t anticipate was the boy who was sitting just right next to his door, his back on the wall, eyes closed.

Hongjoong felt like cry-laughing for a second because- why was Yunho here and how long has he been waiting to fall asleep at his door?

He looked so cute too, and for even what, Hongjoong didn’t even know. All he knew was that his anger burned out already as he gently woke Yunho up.

“Ah, hyung…” Yunho slurred, still not fully awake, “I was waiting for you. I tried to call but it wouldn’t connect…”

Hongjoong didn’t think he would feel any worse than he already was, but maybe tonight would be a challenge.

“My phone died hours ago.” Hongjoong held his hand out for him to grab and stand up. “Why didn’t you come by to the department?”

“I didn’t know if you’d want to see me,” he said sheepishly, not letting go of his hand. Hongjoong could see him blush a little bit if he wasn’t so busy unlocking his door.

“You know I would be there though, why did you wait? Or we could’ve talked tomorrow.” He wasn’t ready to admit that he was actually glad to see him at the moment.

He dropped his art stuff bag somewhere behind the door as he closed it. He was about to look for a new t-shirt since his current one probably smelled too much of paint thinner when he realized Yunho was standing in front of the room like he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Maybe he was still too sleepy to function.

“I didn’t want to go to sleep knowing you’re mad at me,” he said rather quietly, and Hongjoong finally stopped moving around the room as he found a relatively clean t-shirt to wear.

“You were sleeping just before,” He teased while changing. Yunho looked a little bit mortified at that but it might’ve been from seeing a half-naked Hongjoong, for like a second.

“Hyung…” He whined. “It was like a second, besides I thought you’d come by later.”

And Hongjoong immediately wanted to kiss the crap out of him on his poor small dorm bed that couldn’t even be compared to Yunho’s king sized one, but he managed to hold himself anyways.

“Well I am here now, so?” He could only imagine the look he was giving to Yunho by his reactions, and the fact that deep down, his anger was fully gone, so to say the least he was very pleased at the moment.

“So… I wanted- I mean, I am sorry. For today. I- I shouldn’t have act like that.” The way Yunho barely put the words out was only endearing because Hongjoong could see that he truly meant them, and maybe he wasn’t used to apologizing, but they could talk about that later, it was good enough for now, except Hongjoong wasn’t just going to tell him _that._

But, at the same time, it wasn’t going to hurt to hold his hands either because that was exactly what he did. Hongjoong simply sat them on his bed while still holding his hands and looked directly into his eyes. They looked sleepy still, but he could also see something that made his stomach funny _and_ that had to wait too.

“You know, as much as I appreciate your apology, I am not the one you are supposed to apologize.”

He could see the exact moment Yunho understood who he was talking about. And even though the boy didn’t say anything opposing to it, Hongjoong could tell because he tensed up immediately. He also broke their eye contact and Hongjoong almost scolded him for it.

“Look, I am not saying that you should do it now, or tomorrow… But you have to, eventually.” He gave his hands a firm squeeze.

“I know hyung but it’s just… I cannot apologize about something I believe in, like, I know- he didn’t push him but, what were they doing in the first place? If they didn’t get in a fight, they would’ve been in that bar at that moment, with you. And any of this-”

“Yunho-yah,” Hongjoong interrupted him because he could see how he was about the edge of breaking down and he really didn’t want him to break like that either. He just wanted him to realize what he did was wrong, but maybe- maybe he wasn’t there yet and it was understandable, he was still grieving after all.

Hongjoong shushed the little voice in the back of his head that kept saying _that doesn’t mean Wooyoung isn’t grieving and he is probably in a worse state than Yunho_ quickly _._ Because if he listened to that voice, he realized, he might not be there for Yunho. And it was selfish, _but_ maybe he should’ve been selfish this time. Because the boy that was sitting in front of him needed him right now, not a lesson about morals.

He was absolutely caving in too quick, but he didn’t care.

“I know the possibilities and what ifs are endless, but please don’t do this to yourself. You can’t just act on with what could have happened. It is not helping anyone.”

“I know hyung-” he started again, voice breaking midsentence, Hongjoong knew that he was resisting crying and didn’t even know why because, well, he saw him cry before, at the hospital if never. Maybe that was the last time he saw him cry because he didn’t have a single memory about it after that, not even at the funeral. It was a bit concerning but he wasn’t going to make him cry on purpose either.

Yunho sniffed harshly and freed his right hand to wipe his eyes- before a tear would fall, god forbid.

“Can we sleep?” He asked in such a small tone that Hongjoong couldn’t bear to tell him no, he didn’t want to anyways.

His poor, small dorm bed that couldn’t even be compared to Yunho’s king sized one, wasn’t that comfortable either, but they managed to find a position comfortable for both of them. Hongjoong was not letting Yunho go to sleep without at least seeing a tiny smile so he told him the most ridiculous art department gossips and maybe in between he stole some kisses too. In the end Hongjoong actually became the big spoon, for the first time ever because he was _tiny and was used to being the small spoon,_ with Yunho too _,_ but he realized that he didn’t mind it. It was nice even, because it was Yunho and he was peacefully snoring.

Hongjoong knew he had sleepless nights ever since what happened, because he would be at the department and Yunho would text him at like 3 o’clock in the morning, so putting him to sleep felt like a win to him.

And maybe, finally, he could get some sleep too since more than half of his worries was sleeping in his arms right now. He could worry about the rest later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> moony says more than half of this was written in one night so it was kind of painful at the last quarter but fun nonetheless but refuses to write her own notes so here we go nsbndsbnb  
> the writing account we neglect for the life of us [twt](https://twitter.com/sanjoongy)

**Author's Note:**

> just some hohong backstory with cuteness overload bc we need it after **SPOILERS** san literally d worded  
> thank you for reading and don't forget to leave a kudos!!


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